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Transcriptions and song notes by michael oliver-goodwin

Eating Competition  

Relator knows more cool old calypsos than all the other calypsonians in Port of Spain put together! This tune was written by an obscure Dominican singer known as Spider, who won local king and road march honors in 1978 and 1980—and was singing in the Dominican tents as late as 1997. It's not clear if he ever made it to Trinidad. There is a well-respected tradition in calypso (Spoiler, Zandolie, et al) of amusing listeners by building songs around outrageous lies just such as these—ideally sung with a perfectly straight face.

It was an eating competition
Dat took place quite up in Scotland
It was dis eating competition
Dat took place quite up in Scotland
People from all about enter
Including a obeah[1] man from in Moruga[2]
Dey give de prize to one Mr. Thorn
Ah never see a man eat so since ah born

He eat nine bowls of coo-coo
Ten bunch of fig
A whole bag of rice
And a half a pig
60 slice ah dasheen
14 pounds of meat
An' stretchin' his han' 
For more food to eat

About 200 contestants
Enter in dis competition
But when Mr. Thorn start to eat
De contestants an' dem catch cold feet
Dey start to drop out one by one
De obeah man jump up an' mention
'To eat with dis man, we lose already
Is a spirit he have inside his belly'

He eat 18 pounds of eddoes
19 pounds of yam
Six roast breadfruit
And 'bout 12 boiled ham
Grapefruit juice and all
He drink 12 big mug
If yuh see how dis man
Eatin' like a hog

Ah mehself wanted to compete
When ah see so much food dey to eat
But Mr. Thorn was too hard to beat
So ah decided was to retreat
He show the judges that he was able
He eat everyt'ing on top de table
He even eat what de people lef' over
An' still drink ah whole bucket ah icewater

He eat 200 mangos, 90 fried chicken
He eat all de bones de seed and de skin
He drag off his old hat and wipe he face
Tellin' de people look ah hate to see good food was'

Believe me friends, that same evenin'
Dey have to stop dis man from eatin'
Dey announce him as de winner
As number one champion eater
De judges really acted wise
Dey even gave him the consolation prize
But den dey ask him how his stomach feelin'
He tell dem dat he now feel like eatin'

60 slice of fry fish
18 bowl ah peas
Ten loafs ah bread
90 pounds of cheese
Six big spongecake
Four thousand beef pie
And up to now dis man still ent satisfy

Footnotes

1 - voodoo

2 - a small town on the central south coast of Trinidad